i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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