I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
