Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
