hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My balls are so social today.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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