also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
