Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
