Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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