my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
