Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
