You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
