Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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