It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
