I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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