I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
