If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
