never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
