I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
