It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
