This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
