is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize