i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
