all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize