Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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