I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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