New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
