i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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