he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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