oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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