Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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