the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He better not be in your backpack
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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