I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize