I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
