Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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