look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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