I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
