See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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