Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
