I want to have your abortion
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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