I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
