dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
