I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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