Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
