My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
