I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
