Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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