Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
