i may or may not be watching the land before time
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
