Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
