a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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