Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
