Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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