Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
