Screwed.edu
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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