Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
