Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
