Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize