I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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