She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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