There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
