I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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