dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
