I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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