Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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