I just threw up on my dentist
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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