mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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