you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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