i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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