I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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