I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
