I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
