Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
