I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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