I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
